since I last wrote... and so many things have happened. so many moments that have given pause for reflection and so many opportunities to grow.
i have started re-exploring yoga outside of Bikram - in classes (not self-practice). and it has been a journey - and I am only 3 days in!! I am still doing my 30 day challenge - DAY 20 here I come tomorrow :) However...at the same time, I have been doing 'other' yoga classes. And what I know so far - its that I need to find a way to combine them both. Because all of a sudden, in the space and strength and release I have to focus on in a non-Bikram class - I have to face myself. The heat and chatter and mirror are taken away and I am left with myself.
Interestingly, or perhaps - expectedly - I have been wobbling. Finding my feet again, and revelling in the stability when I do. There is the opportunity to search deep into the corners of myself which are clinging onto my hear, my hurts, and my happiness. and let me say - my hips are definitely talking back to me and shedding their tears!
and when i go back to my Bikram, my challenge and my comfort. the sweat is like a panacea that washes and lubricates. it is not only the yoga asana, it is the yoga in the relationships, the people, the energy. and I have such heartspace for this and these moments.
every day of this challenge has been different. I am tighter now than I was last week. I can't touch my head to toes in padahustasana any longer. I am now buzzzing into my evenings, powered by the unexpected energy of working with the sunrise and my practice. i am honouring my hamstrings and working on holding back and not bringing ego into meditation.
the other night - as I worked through 'fertility flow' (no I am not trying to get pregnant - just tap into the woman within :P), the teacher commented that after all the hip opening and root chakra work we had been doing, there was suddenly all this space. And there was - tangible and immeasurable. and she said ' it is what you choose to fill the space with...the food you eat, the energies you share, the words you say to yourself, the life you fill your heart and body and tissues with'.
That really stayed with me - literally (as with every step I took, my hips reminded me of what they were carrying, but also what they had released), and as a point of reflection. It reawakened my awareness to life off the mat - and I guess really the yamas and niyamas that Patanjali refers to in the Yoga Sutra's.
I realize I have been writing primarily about yoga today, but I feel it has become inherent to my be-ing. this exploration, this journey has unexpectedly shifted my foundations, and it is only now, 5.5 years into my practice, that I am starting to realize the space in between where I am and where I was. a realization that without this, I would be a different person, in a very different place. perhaps. and then again. perhaps not.
Is it fact our destiny to become who we are meant to be, and then only our journey to that destiny that may take different routes?
it is like the space between the in and the out breath. not necessarily consciously noticed, but always there. linking the action and reaction. the past to the present. but in fact - is the only moment which is the now.
judith hanson laseter - a fantastic and thought provoking lady wrote for today:
'it is about learning, not about getting it right'
what does that mean for me? for intentions and effort? for peace and alignment - of the body, and of the soul - acceptance, acknowledgement, and silence.
lastly...
in class today, unexpectedly I met a good friend. it wasn't planned and she shared something the teacher had said during an adjustment; ' go ahead, lean back, the universe is waiting' ...
and she did, and it was.
somethings, they are true. it is only the believing which is the leap of faith.
night night
Saturday 16 October 2010
Sunday 10 October 2010
'nothing ever stays the same'...
not in yoga, not in life, not even in our dreams...
but change is hard. it is challenging and demands movement.
there is attachment; to material items, to emotions, to people and to patterns. Stepping outside, realizing that possibility is in the next breath, that happiness is created within - in gratitude, in dreams, in the understanding and realization we develop in ourselves which creates a peace.
today was all about the chat - about yoga, about life, about injustice, about justice. Talking about love, and letting go, and death, and how death influences life. It was about chaturanga, and inner balance guiding outer stability and the space between the in and the out breath. The moment of silence and intention.
i was inspired today by the strength and positivity by those who live with intention and gratitude. those who challenge themselves to face themselves and made a difference.
fait des bonne reves x
but change is hard. it is challenging and demands movement.
there is attachment; to material items, to emotions, to people and to patterns. Stepping outside, realizing that possibility is in the next breath, that happiness is created within - in gratitude, in dreams, in the understanding and realization we develop in ourselves which creates a peace.
today was all about the chat - about yoga, about life, about injustice, about justice. Talking about love, and letting go, and death, and how death influences life. It was about chaturanga, and inner balance guiding outer stability and the space between the in and the out breath. The moment of silence and intention.
i was inspired today by the strength and positivity by those who live with intention and gratitude. those who challenge themselves to face themselves and made a difference.
fait des bonne reves x
Saturday 9 October 2010
'Even if you can bend forward and place your hands flat on the floor, you are not guaranteed happiness'
and it goes on to say - yoga teaches us to find the happiness within, allows us to slow down long enough to recognize and realize it.
the last couple of days have been a tumble and whirl of yoga, work, play and as always - discovery.
but today - Friday - early morning class - a strangely humid early morning complimenting the late London Indian summer! I dragged myself to class amongst the conflicting tiredness, knowledge that I would be energized and the guilt that I knew would plague me if I didn't go - the day was so tightly planned that I couldn't fit another class in.
the intention was to: have no judgement.
and perhaps because I was so spaced out, or tired or maybe lost in another place - it happened that way. The class passed in a sweaty fog and it was about 2 hours later, powered with a trusty latte and racing around that my body suddenly relaxed and the energy poured through. In that moment - i was suddenly still enough to realize and recognize the simple and unusual pleasure of the moment itself and the awareness.
and a thought that has been percolating has bubbled up again. self-practice - a flow that might introduce a different aspect to Bikram. I have shied away from it in recent times on a regular basis because there is no studio close to me. But to find the time? Maybe to alternate? Maybe do mindbodyonline? And is this my mind hopping around and avoiding the 'stuff' that my challenge and reflections are stimulating.
i have to think on it. one of my dreams is to perhaps do a yoga teacher training and be taught or self-teach some of the founding theory and principles that support yoga. another thing for the 'to do list'.
but yet I am left with a lingering question - should I be appreciating this moment and consider tomorrow and future dreams at another time? By looking to something else, and thinking through introducing a varied practice, have I devalued what is happening today and at this time?
a new notebook perhaps? Stationery is another controlled addiction - notebooks, cards, cute paper :)
the last couple of days have been a tumble and whirl of yoga, work, play and as always - discovery.
but today - Friday - early morning class - a strangely humid early morning complimenting the late London Indian summer! I dragged myself to class amongst the conflicting tiredness, knowledge that I would be energized and the guilt that I knew would plague me if I didn't go - the day was so tightly planned that I couldn't fit another class in.
the intention was to: have no judgement.
and perhaps because I was so spaced out, or tired or maybe lost in another place - it happened that way. The class passed in a sweaty fog and it was about 2 hours later, powered with a trusty latte and racing around that my body suddenly relaxed and the energy poured through. In that moment - i was suddenly still enough to realize and recognize the simple and unusual pleasure of the moment itself and the awareness.
and a thought that has been percolating has bubbled up again. self-practice - a flow that might introduce a different aspect to Bikram. I have shied away from it in recent times on a regular basis because there is no studio close to me. But to find the time? Maybe to alternate? Maybe do mindbodyonline? And is this my mind hopping around and avoiding the 'stuff' that my challenge and reflections are stimulating.
i have to think on it. one of my dreams is to perhaps do a yoga teacher training and be taught or self-teach some of the founding theory and principles that support yoga. another thing for the 'to do list'.
but yet I am left with a lingering question - should I be appreciating this moment and consider tomorrow and future dreams at another time? By looking to something else, and thinking through introducing a varied practice, have I devalued what is happening today and at this time?
a new notebook perhaps? Stationery is another controlled addiction - notebooks, cards, cute paper :)
Wednesday 6 October 2010
can i remember the morning?!
falling into bed now, it feels a million miles away in time, events and head space from this morning. Dragging myself out of bed - it felt properly like autumn - dark outside, blustery and that tiptoeing around the house - trying to be so quiet and clearly clanging everything in sight!
and it was ever so worth it - the yoga was all about the words that were shared just before the class 'sometimes you have to know when it is enough, and you must walk away' . It was about something so different, and yet has played on my mind throughout the day. to the core of my myself.
Day 9 was all about the monkey mind - travelling a million miles and nowhere. Stiff lower back and hamstrings that had me wondering whether I could get into position. Then... right at the end - a BreakthrougH - Padahustasana - and those thumbs stretched right to their limits and touched my head! I was so surprised that I looked up, lost the posture and amazingly, just slid back down into it. I had to laugh out loud and it was so good :)
buzzing through the day (powered by a trusty Starbucks skinny latte!) - I can truly say now - at the tail end - that practice, those words, and that energy has kept me going. and now, there are so many things that have made this journey of today. Unexpected, heart-wrenching, and leaving me in a place this morning I had never dreamt of.
i sat this afternoon, clutching my cup of coffee for solace as i was driven to tears by an unfolding story of the entanglements of human life. the overwhelming enormity of us as individuals smacked me in the face. realizing (again!) that everyone has a story, and sometimes there are just experiences that can and perhaps should not even be imagined.
and so... if I had to end on one thought of recognition and contemplation, it is that of humanity. of emotions and experiences and living. it is of sincerity and inspiration and a reality that can be chilling and yet unescapable. it is of moments and choices and destinies - which shape our lives.
'sometimes you have to know when it is enough, and you must walk away'
thank you to those whose presence and words and laughter shared today's living with me. it was good, and it was true. and sometimes, our lives are unexpectedly touched in simple ways that are more valuable than all the riches we could imagine.
x
and it was ever so worth it - the yoga was all about the words that were shared just before the class 'sometimes you have to know when it is enough, and you must walk away' . It was about something so different, and yet has played on my mind throughout the day. to the core of my myself.
Day 9 was all about the monkey mind - travelling a million miles and nowhere. Stiff lower back and hamstrings that had me wondering whether I could get into position. Then... right at the end - a BreakthrougH - Padahustasana - and those thumbs stretched right to their limits and touched my head! I was so surprised that I looked up, lost the posture and amazingly, just slid back down into it. I had to laugh out loud and it was so good :)
buzzing through the day (powered by a trusty Starbucks skinny latte!) - I can truly say now - at the tail end - that practice, those words, and that energy has kept me going. and now, there are so many things that have made this journey of today. Unexpected, heart-wrenching, and leaving me in a place this morning I had never dreamt of.
i sat this afternoon, clutching my cup of coffee for solace as i was driven to tears by an unfolding story of the entanglements of human life. the overwhelming enormity of us as individuals smacked me in the face. realizing (again!) that everyone has a story, and sometimes there are just experiences that can and perhaps should not even be imagined.
and so... if I had to end on one thought of recognition and contemplation, it is that of humanity. of emotions and experiences and living. it is of sincerity and inspiration and a reality that can be chilling and yet unescapable. it is of moments and choices and destinies - which shape our lives.
'sometimes you have to know when it is enough, and you must walk away'
thank you to those whose presence and words and laughter shared today's living with me. it was good, and it was true. and sometimes, our lives are unexpectedly touched in simple ways that are more valuable than all the riches we could imagine.
x
Tuesday 5 October 2010
Day 8...
I came into class today unsure of what to expect. Yesterday's class was hard. The heat, the air, the energy, and really just me. But today - a new day, a day that involved good food, interesting company, and moments in nature. And the class was fantastic. The heat was ok, my postures were average, but it was what was going on inside. Megs led the class - with a positivity that motivated without being grating in the heat. And it just flowed - I mean me. Getting lost in the present and flow of energy and motion with laughter and acceptance.
And I left feeling grateful. For the opportunity to participate, for the health that allows me to do so, for the grace of the having the finances and the studio and the people who support me in this journey into myself. For life and those people who love, and who love me. I was struck - as I am many times, by the different journeys, the different paths which lead people to and through yoga, and the intrinsic shifts that ensue.
day 9 beckons early tomorrow morning at 6:30 am. if I write it here, i reinforce the commitment to go!
night night x
And I left feeling grateful. For the opportunity to participate, for the health that allows me to do so, for the grace of the having the finances and the studio and the people who support me in this journey into myself. For life and those people who love, and who love me. I was struck - as I am many times, by the different journeys, the different paths which lead people to and through yoga, and the intrinsic shifts that ensue.
day 9 beckons early tomorrow morning at 6:30 am. if I write it here, i reinforce the commitment to go!
night night x
meditate...
hang out with others who live good lives...do good things...be simple
your life will change.
this happens by Realizing that everything you like and need is already there inside of you.
your life is going on RIGHT NOW.
don't forget about it.
your life will change.
this happens by Realizing that everything you like and need is already there inside of you.
your life is going on RIGHT NOW.
don't forget about it.
Starting a blog
I decided to start a blog after happening across a few others which gave me food for thought. I am not sure whether it is a good or bad idea, but perhaps it will be an interesting experiment. Although I read other people's blogs, it is a strange concept - other people being interested enough in your thoughts and your mind to read what equates to a sharing diary...
anyhow :)
a little bit about myself...
i love yoga (Vinyasa, Bikram, Jivamukti, Baptiste, Ashtanga, Iyengar...and it continues), polka dots and flowers.
i like smiling and hugs and the sunlight shining through clouds. i am passionate about helping others and finding stillness within myself.
i have a controlled Lululemon addiction and am intrigued by the impact of words and the combinations of which can change lives.
at the moment I AM SEARCHING. Gosh that came out it capitals 4 times before I got it to change back. I think it wanted to be that way. Maybe because in my mind it is in capitals as well.
anyhow...hello :)
anyhow :)
a little bit about myself...
i love yoga (Vinyasa, Bikram, Jivamukti, Baptiste, Ashtanga, Iyengar...and it continues), polka dots and flowers.
i like smiling and hugs and the sunlight shining through clouds. i am passionate about helping others and finding stillness within myself.
i have a controlled Lululemon addiction and am intrigued by the impact of words and the combinations of which can change lives.
at the moment I AM SEARCHING. Gosh that came out it capitals 4 times before I got it to change back. I think it wanted to be that way. Maybe because in my mind it is in capitals as well.
anyhow...hello :)
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